I've been thinking about the future a lot lately. Where I'm going to be working, where I'm going to be living, who will be around me, etc. I've been doing a lot of thinking yet I've been too lazy to create concrete goals and take action. I know where I am right now is not where I want to be in the future. I feel stuck. And I know that is totally my fault. I am pretty sick of LA. I mean... so cal is great, don't get me wrong, I absolutely want to end up here. But I feel at this stage in my life, I need to experience new environments. I grow the most when I am out of my comfort zone. I think that's why I loved Berkeley so much...living in a new environment, exploring, coping with uncomfortable situations, meeting new people, making connections with different people, wandering off to places by myself. In about 8 months, I'm going to hit my 2 year mark. 2 years of working full time at one company. I am at that point where I need to take action. I need to make some critical decisions. Easter, can you see yourself doing this longer? If so, how much longer? What's next? What's after that? So many questions, not enough answers.

I don't believe in horoscopes but I think the one I read from last week was trying to tell me something..."stop day dreaming, take action and make it happen!" I had this long conversation with one of my managers the other day. He told me he knows consulting is for him because he has this drive, the kind of drive that no matter what goes wrong during the day, no matter how unhappy he might be about an incident that occurred during the day, that drive still compels him to do a better job, to be a better consultant. He thinks that if he didn't know that consulting was his ultimate goal, he wouldn't have that same kind of drive. I totally know what that drive feels like, but I don't feel it right now. I am not a go-with-the-flow kind of person, I'm risk adverse and I panic often. I need to make goals, targets, action steps, and road maps for reaching those goals. I need to take a leap of faith at one point, but I feel like I keep on pushing that decision off to the side. Let's hope I find my way sooner than later.

in times of uncertainty, when my ground is shaking and my world is spinning... you reveal that you are the only thing certain in my life, my foundation and my rock.

only God knows!

What’s fake, helps me perceive what’s real. What’s bitter, helps me appreciate what’s sweet. What’s wrong, helps me learn what’s right.

That which I don’t need, helps me understand what I do need.

My mom came over this week. She saw the dozens of dress shirts in my closet as well as my brother's closet. Her first instinct was to iron the wrinkled shirts. As she was ironing our shirts, she began telling me about the time when she first started living with my dad in the States just after they got married. My parents had just moved to the U.S. with literally nothing. My mom wanted to be a "good wife" and ironed my dad's white collared shirt every morning. And each morning my dad would see the dress shirt nicely ironed for him yet proceeded to wear a different shirt. He always told my mom that he wanted to be comfortable for just that day. This went on for weeks, until my mom finally found out that my dad's job wasn't a white-collared job and he just didn't have the heart to tell her.  

This story just made me realize how lucky I am to have parents who have sacrificed so much for me. Parents that would have had prestigious jobs in their home country, amongst peers who would have praised their eloquence and intellect. How lucky I am to be wearing the white collared shirt that my dad could not wear...